August 5, 2003

Board Games

Love it or hate it, the BDBL message board is always a fun place to hang out and debate the issues of the day.  In order to enter the fray, however, a person must have three things: 1) a sense of humor, 2) extremely thick skin, and 3) a willingness to have every word you've ever typed analyzed to death and thrown back into your face with or without provocation.

In that spirit, I thought it would be fun to look back at some of the things that have been written on the BDBL forum over the past year to see how well they've stood the test of time.

"Looking at next year, I can't help but think the regular season will be merely a formality once again. That Allentown team is just ridiculous." - Mike Glander, 10/24/02

More than three months before the 2003 season even began, I hinted that the Allentown Ridgebacks may run away with it all once again.  Four chapters into the season, Allentown isn't even leading their own division.

"I never wanted to get rid of (Drew Henson), but had no choice. I think he needs another year. I bet he will blossom in June of 2003 and be ready by September." - Sharky, 11/1/02

Can I still take that bet?  Drew Henson's current stats in Triple-A: .228/.287/.400, 25 BB, 97 K's.

"Prediction: (Mike) Hampton will win at least 16 games this year and post an ERA of no higher than 3.80." - Mike Glander, 11/17/02

Hampton's current stats: 8 wins and a 4.67 ERA.

"Oh boy I can't wait for (Felix) Diaz to get to the Big's. To all you guys who've been cutting on him, I'm going to save him for you!" - Tom DiStefano, 11/11/02

"The only skinny Dominican around that has a chance to be the 'next Pedro' is probably Felix Diaz. Man are you guys going to be pissed when he busts out this year." - Tom DiStefano, 11/25/02

In case you missed it, Diaz was released by the Ridgebacks on June 13th.

"If (Hideki Matsui) plays (in the Major Leagues) in 2003 I predict: .277 Avg, 29 HRs, 101 RBIs, .342 OBP, .481 SLG.  If he plays for the Yankees I would up everything %5 to %7." - The Shark, 11/1/02

Matsui's current stats: .297/.355/.454, 12 HR, 78 RBI's.  Not bad for a Shark.

"With a .215 average at Triple-A, and a 15/84 BB/K ratio, (Angel Berroa) is clearly not ready for prime time. On the minus side, he may actually hit worse than Neifi (which may scar him for the rest of his professional career.)" - Mike Glander, 11/19/02

Quick comparison:
Angel Berroa: .293/.345/.489
Neifi Perez: .269/.295/.350

Like everything about the Royals, I was way off the mark.

"I propose a new nickname for Mike. Henceforth, instead of 'Commish', I'd like to call him Mike 'Don't Believe the Hype' Glander." - Tom DiStefano, 12/9/02

"How about Mike Propa-Glander?" - Mike Stein, 12/9/02

And so it began.  (Thank you, Mike Stein.)

"I've come up with a new nickname for Tom. I want to run this by 
you guys to see what you all think of it. Here goes: Tom 'Di-Stef-a-swap-$30-million-worth-of-shit-for-Curt-Schilling-then-
claim-that-Schilling-is-no-better-than-Russ-Ortiz-even-though-
every-thinking-person-in-the-entire-free-world-knows-better-and-
oh-yeah-throw-in-Eric-F'ing-Gagne-'just-to-make-it-even'-ano.' Whaddya think?" - Mike Glander, 1/16/03

Though far more accurate, that nickname never really caught on for some reason.

"Danny Graves ($2m option). Next year's Derek Lowe?" - Ken Kaminski, in his 12/14/02 sales pitch.

Danny Graves: 139 IP, 167 H, 25 HR, 32 BB, 44 K's, 5.31 ERA.
Derek Lowe: 139.2 IP, 160 H, 14 HR, 49 BB, 78 K's, 4.96 ERA

Sharky had no idea how right he'd be.

"The Atlanta Braves will finish no better than 3rd in the East in 2003." - Gene Patterson, 12/8/02

"I'm starting to think the party is definitely over in Atlanta. It doesn't seem that the offense is any better and the pitching is most definitely weaker. I think my 3rd place prediction is going to be pretty close." - Gene Patterson, 4/3/03

Atlanta is currently sporting a 73-38 record - best in baseball.

"My prediction: both Jayson Werth and Adam Hyzdu will follow in the footsteps of nearly every other Zoots 'prospect' that has been traded over the past four years, and will be released from their contracts by 2005." - Mike Glander, 12/4/02

We've still got a ways to go before the deadline runs out on this prediction, but seeing as Werth is hitting .282/.338/.521, with a meager 5 homers and 12 walks in Triple-A, and Hyzdu's batting .206 in the big leagues, I may beat that deadline by a fair margin.

"THANK YOU CUBS!!!!!!!!  I'm so thrilled to see Eric Karros gone." - Jeff Paulson, following the trade of Eric Karros from the Dodgers to the Cubs on 12/3/02

Karros: .316/.375/.488
Fred McGriff (his LA replacement): .249/.318/.430

"The value of Konerko may haunt us next year and beyond but he was the key to this deal throughout trade talks." - Ken Kaminski, 12/3/02

The only person being haunted by Konerko (.229/.289/.379) will be Gene Patterson, who is now stuck with another bloated salary.

"Here's another one of my patented December Kreskin Glander predictions that I'm sure will be regurgitated for me if it doesn't come true (which, of course, I'm counting on): the Marlboro Hammerheads have just won the Benes Division." - Mike Glander, 12/12/02, following the trade of Carlos Delgado to the Hammerheads.

Marlboro leads the Benes Division by five games over Salem, with only two chapters to play.  Delgado is batting a robust .319/.445/.618 for the Hammerheads.  One of the three players received in exchange for Delgado has been released.  The other two were packaged with Tomo Ohka in exchange for Prince Fielder, Mark Grudzielanek, Drew Henson and Mike Jones.

"I just want to know who the hell Joe Valentine is!...I thought 'Joe Valentine' was the name of a new reality series on Fox!" - Mike Glander, 12/30/02, following New Milford's selection of Joe Valentine with the #2 overall pick in the farm draft.

The #2 overall pick of the farm draft is sporting a 4.82 ERA for the Sacramento Rivercats this year, with a 37/53 BB/K ratio in 52+ innings.  Of course, the #1 pick of that draft (Jose Contreras) hasn't exactly shined this year, either.

"I didn't consider (Luis Gonzalez) THAT big of a risk. I mean, anyone of that age who is coming off surgery is a little risky, but I think the reward outweighs the risk.  To give you my expert opinion (Certified Athletic Trainer opinion) on his injury and surgery.....I would not consider it a big deal. A separated shoulder and follow-up surgery is not a big deal for a LF." - Gene Patterson, 1/10/03

Judging by Gonzalez's numbers (.316/.402/.553, 36 doubles, 20 homers in 414 AB's), I'd say Gene's analysis was right on the money.

"Its hard to imagine Appier posting an ERA under 4.00 in the BDBL. .286/.341/.460 vs. righties isn't the greatest. Of course I say that and Kevin will probably shut me down next season." - Jeff Paulson, 1/9/03

Jeff was right on both counts:

Appier's ERA in the BDBL: 4.39.
Appier's ERA against Los Altos: 0.60.

"I only have Tom to thank for getting Maddux. After cranking up my bid due to the amount of money some people had left I had an AIM discussion with Tom about just general stuff. We got to talking about the auction and he mentioned the tie-breaker. (SHIT THE TIE-BREAKER!!) That was when I realized that Tony not only had a lot of money to spend BUT also had the tie-breaker over me. So, back to the d-day page to up my $15 mil bid to $15.5. Obviously that made the difference." - Gene Patterson, 1/9/03

Gee, thanks, Tom.

"I can't believe (Kyle Bakker) lasted this long. I almost took him in the first round!" - Tom DiStefano, 1/6/03

Four months later, Jeff took me to task for overhyping Bakker in my pre-season virtual yearbook.

"I say we make a rule that we don't pick anyone under the age of 18. I don't think the BDBL should be putting this kind of pressure on these kids. The insanity must stop." - Billly Baseball, 1/3/03

"The Undertakers are my new favorite team!" - Michael Jackson, 1/4/03

A nominee for Funniest Post of the Year.

"Thanks for stealing my husband. Now he sits at dinner calculating stats and talking about 14 year old high school prospects." - Kerry Clemm, 1/6/03

My personal vote for Post of the Year.

"And Barry Bonds goes to...the Cleveland Rocks!  The Allentown Ridgebacks lost by $500k! Whew! I came *thisclose* to giving my annual 'The Season is Over' speech! THANK YOU, MIKE STEIN!!!" - Mike Glander, 1/3/03

Three chapters later, Bonds became a Ridgeback after all.

"I think (Adam) Eaton is a steal for $1M. What do you think the over/under (in months) is for Tom flipping him for help for Championship #2? I say 2.5 months." - Paul Marazita, 1/17/03

Though I'm not sure Eaton qualifies as a "steal", he has posted some decent numbers (121 IP, 118 H, 11 HR, 46 BB, 100 K, 4.15 ERA.)  If you took the "over", you won.  Tom took nearly six months to flip Eaton (along with several others) for Bonds.

"My money's on (Miguel) Olivo being worth a helluva lot more than what he'll be paid in 2004." - Mike Glander, 1/17/03

Olivo's batting .234/.285/.362 in 235 at-bats.  Good thing I didn't put any real money on it.

"Wouldn't it be ironic if Geisel breaks Billy Baseball's record for losses in a season after all these years of busting on Billy?" - Mike Glander, 1/16/03

No...true irony would be if Geisel went into Chapter Five with more wins than Billy, despite the fact that Geisel is working with a payroll of over $20 million less than New Milford's.

"A beaming Stamford Zoots Assistant GM Billy Bone announced the signing of free agent Kris Benson at a press conference at the beautiful Stamford Marriot...we are confident that Kris will be back stronger than ever in 2004...We could not be more pleased that he will continue his journey back in the red, white and green of the Stamford Zoots." - Paul Marazita, 1/13/03

"Benson has had 3 very bad starts that have contributed to the overall numbers. Other than that, he has been having a very nice year. You can check the game log on ESPN.com and see for yourself. Considering that: (i) its early June; and (ii) people are paying 2x or more for lesser pitchers (sometimes for multiple future seasons), I am perfectly happy with my selection...thanks for asking though." - Paul Marazita, 6/12/03

Benson's "journey" nearly ended seven months after he was drafted, when Stamford nearly released Benson, who is sporting a 4.97 ERA and a $5 million salary.

"Congrats, once again, to the Zoots. With a rotation of Hudson, Buehrle and Benson in 2004, I don't see how they can lose." - Mike Glander, 1/13/03

Well...if Stamford traded Hudson for a one-year rental, if Buehrle finally went into the toilet after overachieving for three years, and if Benson didn't bounce back from Tommy John surgery as quickly as most pitchers...then I guess the Zoots could potentially be in trouble in 2004.  But what were the chances of that?

"Just because Konerko ranked 14th out of 30 Major League first basemen in OPS last year is no reason for me to label him 'mediocre.' I apologize." - Mike Glander, 1/13/03

Instead of being insulted by this comment, I think Gene Patterson would welcome a mediocre Konerko with open arms.

"The Blazers have had some difficulty, but they are most likely the front-runners to win my division this year." - Jeff Paulson, 12/16/02

"At the very least, I think we should make the Undertakers play in a different division. They're pretty much guaranteed to make the playoffs based solely upon 32 divisional games against the Lightning and Swamp Rats!" - Mike Glander, 1/28/03

"I was pretty shocked to see that the Undertakers were predicted to win the division. I actually wrote Billy last night to wish him a good season and to tell him I thought he was the team to beat in the Griffin division." - Jeff Paulson, 1/25/03

"If it makes you feel any better, I probably won't make the playoffs this year...New Milford looks very tough. But, if I do....I promise to not start Tom Goodwin in any game of the playoffs. You have my word." - Jeff Paulson, 1/24/03

Did I mention that the Undertakers are TWENTY-ONE games in first-place, and no other team in their division has a winning percentage above .410?  (By the way, I'm holding Jeff to that promise.)

"I just noticed that in the latest poll, not one person has voted for Chicago to win their division. I think a lot of people are in for a surprise this year." - Mike Glander, 2/4/03

Chicago is currently in third-place in the Hrbek Division, six games below .500.  Surprise!

"I think we can ALL rejoice in the temporary downfall of the Cowtippers. That said, let's not get too crazy and think this is going to last. Mike will make some adjustments, the Hammerheads will have a bad chapter and, before you know it, Mike will be in first place. It's as inevitable as the tide." - Paul Marazita, 2/1/03

"The Benes Division race could be over before it began." - Mike Glander, 1/31/03

"Oh Lord. Chicken Little Alert...squared!" - Paul Marazita, 1/31/03

"Even if these games go poorly for Mike, I can't imagine him packing it in this early. I just can't imagine Mike 'building for next year'. There is some fight in them Cowtippers." - Jeff Paulson, 1/31/03

Oh, if only the pundits were right.

"Something tells me this is going to be the slowest year ever in terms of trading." - Mike Glander, 2/18/03

Never before, in the history of predictions, has such a bad prediction ever been made.

"This has to be the wackiest BDBL season ever. Barry Bonds is walking around (literally) with a .738 OBP (that's SEVEN-THIRTY-EIGHT!), the Manchester Defensive Banjo Hitters are leading the league in offense with a lineup that looks like the Triple-A affiliate of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, the Salem Cowtippers are among the worst offensive teams in the league despite a lineup that includes five guys who were among the top five hitters at their positions last year, Mike Lieberthal is leading the league in several major offensive categories, Jon Lieber is 6-0, and the Blazers don't suck.  If there's ever been a wackier start to any BDBL season, I can't remember it." - Mike Glander, 2/17/03

Update: Bonds' OBP is down to a meager .583, Manchester now ranks eighth in the OL in runs scored, Salem ranks fifth, Lieberthal is still playing WAAAAY over his head (.330/.403/.530), as is Lieber (13-0, 2.06), and the Blazers have returned to full suckitude.

"I've been to Houston in early June. I attended a night game at (air-conditioned) Enron Field. After the game, I walked about two blocks to my car and was sweating like a water buffalo in a sauna by the time I got to it." - 2/17/03

"After grazing, I walked a few miles down to the stream and was sweating like Mike Glander in a playoff game by the time I got to it." - "Water Buffalo" (actually Greg Newgard), 2/17/03

Another nominee for Funniest Post of the Year.

"Don't be accusing ME of spreading propa-Glander!" - Tom DiStefano, 2/11/03

"If I ever compare one of my prospects that walks as often as Christopher Reeve to a 14-year veteran and borderline all-star, please feel free to accuse me of 'propaGlander.' Until then, maybe you should look into a mirror the next time you're scouring the BDBL for owners that overhype their own players." - Mike Glander, 2/11/03

Cruel?  No doubt about it.  Funny?  I guess it depends upon how warped your sense of humor is.

"The Law Dogs have improved by subtraction. Wells had 6 starts of which he was pounded for 5 or more runs. Even with our strong lineup, not too many games are going to be one when your starter gets rocked." - Chris Luhning, 2/21/03

Since the panic trade that sent Wells packing to the Great Lakes Sphinx in exchange for a couple of prospects after he'd had six bad starts, Wells is 7-5 with a 2.79 ERA for the Sphinx.  Granted, his home ballpark is a bit more friendly to pitchers, but I'd hardly call the guy a bum in any park.

"I'll take Player B (Adrian Gonzalez)-- and I won't even break a sweat doing so. The ONLY argument for taking (Rocco) Baldelli would be the positional scarcity argument (CF vs. 1B), but if he never learns the strike zone...and I have no reason to believe he ever will, will it really matter?" - Paul Marazita, 3/11/03

Adrian Gonzalez hit .216/.286/.288 in Triple-A before he was demoted to Double-A, then traded.  Baldelli is hitting .303/.333/.453 at the Major League level.  As much crap as I catch for rallying behind guys like Aaron Heilman, Marazita's defense of his own prospects seems to get swept under the rug.  Wonder why that is?

"Adam Johnson update: 1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 1 K, 0.00 ERA.  Sorry, but this may be the last time I get to post a positive update on A.J.. I want to make sure I don't let this golden opportunity pass by." - Mike Glander, 3/1/03

Boy, was I right!

"Nice trade DJ...'bout time someone pulled one on the commish. Too many reaches with those prospects and now it gives Allentown some competition." - Chris Luhning, 3/22/03

"Kudos to DJ for pulling it off. He managed to get a solid starter and an all star center fielder for who knows what. I think the only top 50 prospect was Harden." - John Gill, 3/23/03

In retrospect, I wonder if those guys still think I was ripped off.  Both Chris and John have asked for several of those "reaches" in trade over the past few months, so I guess I did okay in that trade after all.

"Over and over I hear the Commish criticize my trades.......I traded Encarnacion in the deal for Timlin. Marlins hitting coach Bill Robinson on Juan Encarnacion: 'Look for him to have a banner, MVP kind of year. I'll stake my reputation on it. I think he can put up some unbelievable numbers. I'd be surprised if he's not in the high 30's in homers, hits over .300 and goes well over 100 RBI.'" - Ken Kaminski, 3/23/03

I wonder how many MVP votes Encarnacion will get this year?  His numbers so far: .269/.311/.434, 12 HR, 65 RBI's, 27 BB, 53 K's in 417 AB's.  Hard to believe both Bill Robinson (whose reputation is now apparently ruined) and Sharky could have been wrong about this guy.  He seemed like such a sure thing.  (By the way, that's sarcasm, Billy.)

"Steiny, I don't want to rain on your parade here, but (Cleveland's early winning percentage) may be as much of an aberration as Glander's team sucking as bad as they are right now. I personally think he is being a bit premature throwing up the white flag. Pretty sure you might be a little premature thinking that the Tony Womack's and Chris Truby's of the world are going to continue this type of hitting...no?" - Paul Marazita, 3/20/03

Though Marazita proved prophetic on Womack (.233/.269/.305) and even Truby (.253/.268/.381), the Rocks' early winning percentage has inexplicably carried through four chapters.

"I'm starting to regret tagging Seattle to finish #2 in the AL West this year. They've taken a major step backward over each of the past two years. I'm just not impressed with them at all anymore." - Mike Glander, 4/3/03

I should have stuck with my initial impression.  Seattle (currently four games ahead in the AL West) may very well finish in second-place this year.

"If it weren't for the DH and ballpark factors, I would bet you San Diego scores more runs this year than Cleveland." - Mike Glander, 4/3/03

"No chance of SD scoring more runs than Cleveland, what with a pitcher batting all year round -- so you're on." - Mike Stein, 4/3/03

An up-to-date tally shows Cleveland with 471 runs scored in 111 games, and San Diego with 467 in 113 games.  This race is going right down to the wire.

"We are shopping (Russ) Ortiz, but are not 'waving the white flag'. We would like a lesser quality pitcher and either something else to help us this year or next." - Chris Luhning, 4/2/02

"You've traded David Wells for two minor leaguers, and you're now looking to trade Russ Ortiz for a 'lesser pitcher' who'll help you next year......but you're not waving the white flag.  Hoo boy." - Mike Glander, 4/3/03

"Mike...Mike...Mike...if you're going to quote me at least get it right. You always try to turn things around to start something... Look at the DMB stats of a player before you make your remarks." - Chris Luhning, 4/3/03

Though he's sporting a 5.10 ERA (Coors-inflated), Ortiz currently leads the BDBL in wins, with 17.  Oh, and by the way, that's a DMB stat.

"Write it down. Juan Cruz will be the next Octavio Dotel...now that I traded him of course. Should have never made that trade..." - Paul Marazita, 4/1/03

Juan Cruz: 38 IP, 35 H, 4 HR, 19 BB, 42 K, 5.68 ERA
Octavio Dotel: 62 IP, 39 H, 7 HR, 20 BB, 74 K, 2.63 ERA

Hmm...I'd say Stick Boy has a little ways to go before he catches up.  That's okay, though.  I mean, what did Bobby give up to get him?

"Now if (Felix) Diaz has a good year, will I receive any kind of apology? Or will you bring up some wacky stat ('Diaz posted a 4.75 Tide Independent ERA! He actually SUCKED this year!!!') to show that he still sucks?" - Tom DiStefano, 4/1/03

Did I mention that the Ridgebacks released Diaz during Chapter Four?  I'm anxiously awaiting my apology, Tom.  Any time you're ready.

"NL EAST: 1) Atlanta Braves OVER 91 wins...So wouldn't it be funny if the Braves pitching fell off but their offense finally sparked?" - Mike Stein, 3/28/03

Wow!  Great prediction by Kreskin Stein!

"NL WEST: 1) Los Angeles Dodgers OVER 86 wins...Using the NL Central strategy of taking the longshot when everything looks equal, we present the 2003 L.A. Dodgers...WORLD SERIES: Los Angeles d. Oakland" - Mike Stein, 3/28/03

A world championship for the Dodgers??  Well...okay, LA's in fourth-place in the NL West...maybe "Kreskin" isn't the right nickname I'm looking for...but even Kreskin himself is entitled to one bad prediction.

"4) Seattle Mariners UNDER 90 wins.  That league-leading offense is long gone. Edgar Martinez is injury-prone, Brett Boone continues to sink back to normal (or worse), Ichiro has flattened out and no one else strikes fear. The pitching staff is slowly being depleted (Freddy Garcia abuse, Kaz Sasaki elbow troubles, relying on Ryan Franklin and Gil Meche in the rotation??). Uncle Lou left. Or maybe I'm just daring to be different." - Mike Stein, 3/28/03

On second thought, never mind about that whole "Kreskin Stein" thing.

"(Is it) over for Greg Maddux?  14.2 IP, 29 H, 14 K, 6 BB, 11.05 ERA. Last two months of 2002, his ERA was still good, but he allowed 79 hits in 73 IP. For his career he has allowed less hits than IP, so perhaps it's all over for Maddux." - Mike Stein, 4/10/03

"I'm waiting to see him on a Diet Pepsi commercial, unzipping himself to reveal that he's actually Jose Lima!" - John Bochicchio, 4/10/03

Greg Maddux: 4.40 ERA
Jose Lima: 2.96 ERA

Hmm...maybe there's something to this whole "Diet Pepsi" theory...

"(Regarding Rich Harden:) 13ip 0h 0bb 17k.  The best start for a pitcher in the history of mankind? How could it be better?" - Paul Marazita, 4/9/03

"Oh, I don't know, maybe do that in the majors. That might be better." - John Gill, 4/9/03

Happy now, John?

"Chris (Luhning), if the Royals finish a few games out of first - or even if they finish above .500 - I'll be the first to congratulate both you and Mike for having the wisdom and foresight to have predicted such an unlikely event." - Mike Glander, 4/9/03

Looks like congratulations may be in order.  From now on, I'm basing all of my predictions on the first eight games of the season.

"(Sean) Burroughs is 4 for 23 and is hitting .174/.321/.217 so far. Wouldn't it be hilarious if Sean Burroughs lost playing time to former BoSox and Zoots player Lou Merloni?" - Paul Marazita, 4/8/03

Better yet, wouldn't it be even more hilarious if Burroughs flirted with .300 all season and made Marazita eat his words?

"Brandon Phillips update:  2-for-17, 0 XBH, 0 BB, 4 K, .118/.118/.118.  'Hello, this is the Buffalo Hilton. How may I help you?' 'Yes, hi. This is Brandon. I may be needing my old room back. Real soon.' 'Not a problem, Mr. Phillips. We'll leave the light on for you, sir.'" - Mike Glander, 4/8/03

Okay, so it took a little longer than "soon" for Cleveland to realize that young Brandon isn't ready for prime time.  My bad.

"Instead of wasting all this time digging up medical reports on prospects you (Marazita) don't even own, maybe you should spend more time at the trade table, figuring out another way to rape your way to another BDBL championship. I'm sure there's a HUGE market out there for uninjured 'prospects' like Keith Cash and Francis Beltran." - Mike Glander, 4/9/03

Looks like he took my advice to heart.  Unfortunately, I underestimated just how huge the market was for those alleged "prospects."

"Scouts are getting Ruben Sierra from home to first in 4.2 seconds, and one claims that he's getting times the Rangers haven't registered in years. This tells you that the Rangers' players are buying into everything Showalter represents." - Sharky, 4/7/03

The Rangers are currently in fourth place, 20 games behind Seattle in the AL West.  And Sierra's blazing speed down to first base has resulted in 69 hits in 250 at-bats (.276) and one stolen base.  Did the Rangers stop buying into Showalter?  Or does Showalter represent a bunch of losers?

"I'm relying on Adam Eaton to fill Randy Johnson's role." - Tom DiStefano, 4/21/03

Eaton: 4.15 ERA
Johnson: 4.15 ERA

Wow!  How 'bout that!

"Billy, I just looked at your MP, and you don't have any pitchers listed in any of the relief slots (Mopup, setup vs. LH, setup vs. RH's, etc.) They're all blank. I would assume that's the reason why the MP treats your pitching staff so strangely." - Mike Glander, 4/18/03

"OK, I've got to ask. Is it possible that Billy's played four seasons in this league, unaware of the pitching settings, depth chart, manager tendencies, etc. of the MP?" - Tony DeCastro, 4/18/03

Contestant #3 for Funniest Post of the Year.

"I love your enthusiasm Mike (Stein), but I don't think I'm ready to order playoff tickets. We'd be happy here in KC for 75 wins." - Chris Luhning, 4/5/03

"There is no reason why the Royals can't do what the Twins did last year. Mike (Glander)...there is still room on the wagon if you want to jump aboard. I'll save ya a spot right next to me. I want to see the look on your face when the Royals are in the playoff hunt come August." - Chris Luhning, 4/16/03

Amazing what a difference 11 days makes, isn't it?

"If the Royals are still in the playoff hunt come August, I'll send you a picture, Chris." - Mike Glander, 4/16/03

A promise is a promise.

"Cliff Floyd would look wonderful on my team this year. But I don't know how wonderful he would look on it in 2004 or 2005." - Mike Stein, 4/14/03

Well, now he'll know for sure!

"Mike, I think calling Cook, Ponson and Konerko, 'suck-ass players' because they've gotten off to slow starts is a little harsh." - Tony Chamra, 4/14/03

Oh, okay.  It was wrong about Ponson (so far.)

"The Kansas City Royals will lose 90 games this year, minimum, and Ruin-Elvis will lose 15 games and have an ERA of no less than 4.50. Let's not get too carried away by less than a week's worth of games." - Mike Glander, 4/6/03

How a team can go from losing 100 games to winning 90, all in one year, without making any improvements to their team whatsoever during the off-season, is what makes baseball such a wonderful game (and so impossible to predict.)

"(Hanley) Ramirez is still hyped to this day as the next 'great SS'.  So I feel I gave up a lot for only 2 years of Halladay, and it looks like this will be his best of the 2 years the way he is pitching for Toronto in 2003!!" - Sharky, 4/30/03

"The Next Great Shortstop" is currently hitting .263/.317/.391 in A-ball, with six homers and a 27/53 BB/K ratio.

"It's April. If Halladay's ERA is higher than 4.20 by the end of the year, I'll do a jig on top of your desk in the middle of A.M. Best." - Mike Glander, 4/30/03

Thankfully, that's one bet I won't have to be paying off this year.

"(B.J.) Upton has just as much upside as (Hanley) Ramirez." - Mike Glander, 4/30/03

Umm...or more.

"It just aggravates me to no end that the Ridgebacks just acquired the most desired prospect in this free agent period despite having one of the best records in the league - and all they had to do was give up Endy Chavez and Jason Kershner to do it!" - Mike Glander, 4/29/03

Endy Chavez: .255/.290/.371
Jason Kershner: 3.62 ERA in 27 innings
Merkin Valdez: 120 IP, 93 H, 43 BB, 127 K, 2.33 ERA

"Mark it in your calendars....April 17th, 2003 The beginning of the end for Rocco (Baldelli)." - Gene Patterson, 4/17/03

Baldelli's batting average by month: .368 (April), .314 (May), .255 (June), .283 (July).

"The World Series match-up has now been set: the Emporer vs. Darth Vader. Mark my words." - Mike Glander, 4/22/03

I stand by that statement.

"'Boc' is the sound that a chicken makes. As in, Kansas is chickening out of this race." - Tom DiStefano, 4/23/03, following Kansas' trade of Derek Lowe to Stamford for Tim Hudson.

Allentown now trails Kansas in the Higuera Division by three games.  Hudson (3-4, 3.68) has nearly matched Lowe's numbers (5-3, 3.26) with the Law Dogs.

"DJ and Bobby, please let me know which of your stars you will be dumping so that I can try to do well in the playoffs. Mike (Stein), I'll probably needs Bonds." - Tom DiStefano, 4/23/03

Though Tom was kidding (I think), less than two months later, he got Bonds.

"Jeff Weaver: 7.2 IP, 7 H, 6 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, 5.09 ERA.  You know, for some masochistic reason I actually find this funny. I mean - what were the chances that Jeff Weaver would suck this badly in all two or three games since I acquired him?" - Mike Glander, 5/10/03

Weaver, before I traded for him: 3.25 ERA
Weaver, after I traded for him: 5.65 ERA

For some reason, I don't find this funny anymore.

"Well, considering (Roy) Halladay has a 5.00+ ERA so far I would not count on him that much next year......looks like he was a one year wonder and makes me second guess my trade for him a little bit (just a little mind you)." - Sharky, 5/10/03

A few days later, Halladay began a streak in which he won 15 games in a row.  In the middle of that streak, Sharky traded him.  He's now 15-3 with a 3.42 ERA.  And to think, I trail such a wise prognosticator as The Shark by five games.

"Morgan Ensberg was a no-good, useless bum when you traded him, he's been a no-good, useless bum ever since, and he will always be a no-good, useless bum." - Mike Glander, 5/8/03

Whoops.

"Akron's big story occurs in the second half, when Bernie and Woody carry the Ryche into the post-season, then knock the Allentown Ridgebacks out of the playoffs, causing Tom DiStefano to rue the day he ever turned down my trade offer." - Mike Glander, 5/5/03

There's one prediction I really hope comes true.

"(Carl) Everett won't hit 30 (homers)?  How about Sosa & Everett vs. Bagwell & Berkman in combined HRs this season." - Sharky, 4/22/03

"You're on, Sharky. Loser buys the winner a Boog Powell barbeque sandwich at BDBL Weekend." - Mike Glander, 4/22/03

Current standings:
Sosa & Everett: 44 homers
Bagpipes & Berkman: 44 homers

You'd better believe I'll be watching that "Going, Going Gone" list like a hawk for the next 10 days.

"Yes, I would love to see more power, but I think I will suffer through with the best catching prospect in baseball for a little while longer before cutting bait just because (Joe Mauer) hasn't hit a HR in 128 AB's. This guy, who fancies himself a baseball wiz, once talked to me about small sample sizes." - Paul Marazita, 5/15/03

After a two-homer game this past weekend, Mauer now has 5 homers on the year.  Is 397 at-bats enough of a sample size to conclude that Joe Mauer has as much power as Sean Burroughs?

"...the days of 50 post threads of the 'Mike and Paul' show are over." - Paul Marazita, 5/12/03

Less than four weeks later, Marazita participated in a three-page, 67-post thread concerning his Shiggy Hasegawa trade with the New Milford Blazers.  In that one thread, he managed to call me "stupid", "annoying", "silly", "shameless", "embarrassing", a "hypocrite" and a "liar" with "brass balls" who should have a job with the government, "torturing POW's."

...and yet, deep down inside, I know he loves me.

"I am new in this forum... Can someone explain me what is all this league about?????????  Where are the teams,etc." - Danny37, 5/29/03

Nominee #4.

"Usually, at this time of the year, there's a flurry of trades as teams begin to concede their divisions and begin focusing on the future. I just don't see that happening this year. For better or worse, the days of mega-blockbuster dump trades seem to be over." - Mike Glander, 5/27/03

This one is just as funny as any of the other nominees, though the hilarity was unintentional.

"Just because 94% of the things you say about your prospects is simple propaGlander to try to raise their trade value, doesn't mean that we ALL do it. I have no intention of trading (Andrew) Miller right now." - Tom DiStefano, 5/22/03

Less than four weeks later, Tom traded Miller as part of the Barry Bonds trade.

"(Wes) Whisler is a sure-fire first-round draft pick in 2004. He is one of the top, if not THE top, power-hitters in the 2004 draft class." - Paul Marazita, 6/13/03

This "sure-fire first round draft pick", who is among the top power-hitters in the 2004 draft class, is currently hitting .167 in the Cape League, with no homers in 96 at-bats.

"You crack me up Sharky. While you are off trading for the Morris's and Vazquez's of the world, poor guys like me are left with the scraps of middle reliever road kill." - Paul Marazita, 6/13/03

About four weeks later, that poor guy added Kevin Millwood to his pitching staff.

"Geez, what would have happened if Stamford acquired Millwood?????" - Mike Stein, 6/13/03

Now we all know, Mike.  Now we all know.

"I can just imagine Stamford's trade pitch for Millwood. I imagine the same group of second-rate prospects and underachievers would have been involved, but he might have substituted Speier with an overpriced 'ace' like Kris Benson." - Mike Glander, 6/13/03

If only Billy had received any player as useful as Kris Benson.  For the first time ever, I underestimated the power of the Dark Side.

"I suck at making trades! In fact .. I may NEVER .. NEVER trade again." - Billy Baseball, 6/13/03

If only Billy had stuck to his word, the rest of the teams in the Ozzie League might actually have an outside shot at winning the OL championship this year.

"...a few days ago, I sent him one e-mail, offering B.J. Upton and Brandon Lyon for Millwood and J.C. Romero." - Mike Glander, 6/13/03

"Yes, that would have been a VERY fair trade. How in the world do you sleep with yourself Michael? How you could post that THIS was your offer and still malign me (and others) is truly beyond all belief. I mean honestly, you truly have brass balls. Wow. I am truly amazed, though I will hand it to you that you admitted it. I guess I have to hand THAT to you...Upton and Lyon speaks for itself. No wonder no one wants to trade with you." - Paul Marazita, 6/13/03

Just so you all can follow along at home, let me summarize Marazita's position:

Zach Day and Horacio Ramirez = completely legitimate trade offer
B.J. Upton and Brandon Lyon = completely insulting trade offer, worthy of scorn, would take "brass balls" just to offer such a worthless pile of monkey crap

I should also mention that instead of throwing in Romero (who will cost the Blazers $7.5 million over the next three years for sub-par performance), Billy opted to "throw in" Randy Winn (900+ OPS vs. LH) and Wil Cordero, who are both in their walk years.

"Re. all players, but especially (Melvin) Mora, (Carl) Everett, (Alex) Gonzalez and (Bill) Mueller: it's early. Expect a BIG second-half tumble for all four of those guys." - Mike Glander, 6/12/03

Second-half stats (so far):
Mueller: .321/.387/.750
Mora: .121/.216/.212
Everett: .268/.359/.429
Gonzalez: .255/.328/.382

Three out of four ain't bad, right?

"Alex Gonzalez the Lesser is your new king." - Mike Stein, 6/12/03

"I plan to platoon (Cliff Floyd's and Ryan Klesko's) salaries with Brad Wilkerson and Alex Gonzalez (100K each), making each player's cost just over $3 mil -- bargains each." - Mike Stein, 6/18/03

Gonzalez is now hitting .283/.332/.491 overall.  He's batting .217 since July 1st.  The King is dead.

"I'll bet the Rocks score more runs over the last 80 games than over the first 80." - Mike Stein, 5/30/03

So far, Mike is losing that bet.

"Jeff D'Amico's last three starts: 19 IP, 19 H, 15 ER.  C'mon Kreskin, I think your cap needs rethreading." - Mike Stein, 6/12/03

D'Amico's ERA in July: 2.95.

"Man, I just looked at (Jeff) Weaver's numbers again. What the hell happened to that guy??? 47 K in 83 IP???? I'm going on record now with this prediction -- Weaver is heading for the DL and will be out the rest of the year when he hits it." - Mike Stein, 6/18/03

If only there were an explanation as simple as that.

"In the preseason, Akron made a deal that flew under the radar when D.J. Shepard shipped Marlon Anderson to Marlboro for P Jason Davis. I believe one of the comments at the time was, 'Jason Who?'  Well, this has the potential to be one of those, 'How did you get that guy?' trades...His numbers aren't overly impressive, but considering his ERA has dropped every month (6.67 in April, 4.71 in May, 3.44 in June) while his innings per start have risen, and by this time next year we might be asking 'Who was traded for Jason Davis?'  Kudos to Akron!" - Mike Stein, 6/30/03

Since then, his ERA has risen every month:

June: 3.02
July: 4.50
August: 10.50 (6 IP)

"(Chad) Moeller's sporting an OPS of .849 and his splits are solid (861/838). What's wrong with that?" - Tom DiStefano, 7/9/03

Moeller's now sporting an OPS of 795, and his splits are 771/808.  Buy low, sell high, eh, Tom?

"You are the magician of the BDBL -- using sleight-of-hand and smoke and mirrors to attempt to hide your duplicity...Glander's arguments are like Three Card Monty...I want to to expose you...to be a total hypocrite of the first order...flagrant inconsistencies...a lengthy prison term might be good for your next victim at the trading table..." - Paul Marazita, 6/17/03

More love notes from our favorite "Ghanzita."  I didn't realize prison was an option for bad GM's.  When can we put Billy Baseball on trial?

"Ahhhhh....the smell of hypocrisy is even more pungent at lunch time...Do you confuse yourself with this double-talk? I know you confuse the hell out of me...Every time you post, you just open yourself up to more criticism for gross inconsistencies in your arguments, double-talk, and, at times, utter hypocrisy...(Glander's) utter lack of objectivity is fairly well documented at this point, no? Glander lost all credibility with ME years ago." - Paul Marazita, 6/25/03

More of that award-winning style from the BDBL's master debater.

"I really don't have any interest in fighting." - Paul Marazita, 6/27/03

Funniest Post of the Year candidate #5.

"You ARE a fraud Michael and people see it. As painful as that may be for you to accept, its true...the day YOU beat ME in a battle of wits is the day I retire from discussion with human beings...That ain't EVER going to happen as long as you are you and I am me...Fraud...You are still a fraud...Just admit you are a fraud..." - Paul Marazita, 6/19/03

"You have lost what is left of your credibility...your statement above is an outright lie...I am embarrassed for you...I will continue to call you on your credibility gap as I see fit...for the good of the league...I am just tired of your garbage...." - Paul Marazita, 7/7/03

Hmm...them sounds like fightin' words!  I think Todd Truck said it best: 

"Being a neophyte here - I can't be sure - but this theme seems familiar."