Past Interviews:

Bob Sylvester, Sr.
Tim Zigmund
John Gill
Billy Romaniello
Joe Brennan
Eric Zigmund
Brian Hicks
Mike Glander
Jeff Paulson
Mike Stein
Paul Marazita
Chris Luhning
Matt Clemm

November 26, 2000
by "Biggest Daddy"

Disclaimer: While Commissioner Glander fits the description, he is NOT "Biggest Daddy."  BD is an owner in the BDBL who wishes to remain anonymous.

Interview with Gene Patterson, Atlanta Fire Ants

Biggest Daddy: Your franchise is cursed, a veritable turnstile of managers. What will you do to rid your team of evil spirits?

Gene Patterson: I think the main thing this team needs is stability. I plan to be here a long time. I see where a lot of the guys in the league are apparently close friends and frankly - I'm envious. I hope to build some friendships like that. But I think if this team has a stable leader for a while we will do fine. Plus, we are looking at sacrificing a live chicken before this year's draft.

BD: Do you advise your clients to use the ab roller?

GP: No! Even though Athletic Training doesn't really mean using or prescribing equipment or conditioning programs, the best piece of equipment in my opinion is a Stairclimber.

BD: What will the 2001 Fire Ants look like?

GP: If our defense is like this past years we will look like the Bad News Bears. But seriously:

Catcher: still looking!!!
1B: Todd Zeile
2B: F. Vina
3B: still looking!!!
SS: A. Gonzalez
LF: B.J. Surhoff
CF: Ken Griffey, Jr.
RF: Hollandsworth/Sefcik/Darr/ or still looking!!

BD: You look like Chipper Jones. Are you a switch-hitter?

GP: NO!!!!  But I do like HOOTERS!!!!

BD: A few members of the BDBL like to get liquored up during their games. Will you follow their example?

GP: I had not really thought about it, but it might improve my decision making if I would have a couple Vodka-Cranberrys or maybe just several cold beers.

BD: What teams will you be forming early rivalries with?

GP: Well, being that I don't really know any of the other managers in the league I will have to go with the obvious. Right now I think we all in the Eck League need to shoot for the Black Sox. But, even though I was not involved in this trade, I think I need to start beating the Law Dogs up a little bit because they traded us S.Erickson with a bum arm!! (at 4 million/year)

BD: What players did you like as a kid?

GP: Growing up in Iowa, I saw very little of most MLB teams. I fed my baseball needs spending hours upon hours playing Statis-Pro Baseball. I never saw a live game until I moved to Georgia in 1991. I think that may be part of the reason I like looking at baseball stuff so much - I never got to see enough when I was young. But I do remember pretending being Ryne Sandberg, Ozzie Smith, or George Brett when I was playing in the yard as a kid. I also remember liking Leon Durham.

BD: What one major league player could benefit the most from an off-season training program prescribed by you?

GP: Unfortunately, if I'm prescribing a program for a player then that means he would have had shoulder, elbow or other surgery. So I would have to say Scott Erickson (see above).

BD: Who would be a better 3rd base coach: George Bush or Al Gore? Why?

GP: Neither!!  For two reasons: 1) Both are too stupid!!, and 2) third base coaches don't have time to turn to a room full of advisors to help make a decision.  They have to make split second decisions based on the information right in front of them.

Well Biggest Daddy, I really did enjoy this, but I'm just not as witty as some of these other guys.  It was an honor and privilege to talk to you.  Thanks.